It's okay to be afraid of childbirth. However, most fears have little to do with reality. And most of them can be dealt with. Let’s look at what we know and how we can decrease child-birth anxiety.
Many expectant mothers are afraid that childbirth will be very painful. The birth of a child causes awe, delight, anxiety, fear and many other often conflicting feelings. This is due to the fact that no one can 100% control what happens during childbirth — even taking into account all of the achievements of modern medicine.
Loss of control is one of the most common causes of stress [1]. Those who are given to planning everything in detail are especially impacted. It is difficult to come to terms with the fact that with the onset of childbirth, you enter the territory of the unknown. But we must work to accept this fact, without judgement.
They say that fear leads to more fear
Fear is just a feeling. It's okay to be afraid — people have experienced fear since the beginning of time, and often it helped them survive.
Modern man lives in a much safer world than our cave ancestors. Therefore, most of our fears are unfounded. If you play terrible scenarios in your head, it means that you have a rich imagination. No more and no less [2]. Thank yourself for your concern and then move on — do not dwell on the unpleasant thoughts.
But just thinking about childbirth raises my anxiety
In addition to emotional discomfort of anxiety, some people feel pain in different parts of the body due to anxiety. The heart begins to beat faster, blood pressure rises. This is how we react to the release of adrenaline into the blood [3].
If you find yourself dwelling on fear of childbirth, tell yourself it's just an emotion and that it's okay to worry. Name the feelings that bother you. You can speak them out loud or write them down in a journal. This will give your experience a concrete experience and gives you a kind of control over a situation that feels out of control [4].
If fear paralyzes you, try smiling or even laughing. This may sound silly, but science tells us that this is an effective way to help yourself. Back in the nineteenth century, psychologists William James and Karl Lange put forward the theory that emotions arise in response to the physical reactions of the body [5]. In other words, you are not crying because you are sad, but you are sad because you are crying. Over time, this theory has been supplemented and refined, but it seems that the main idea is correct [6, 7] — our physical being impacts our emotions.
Smile, even when you are scared and want to escape. Your body — the same one that knows how to grow a new life in it —- will lead you out of your fear. Your body will help you understand that fear is not where you want to dwell. Adding breathing exercises, yoga and meditation will give your body even more tools to help you calm your anxiety. Smiling, mediation, outdoor walks, will help you relax your nervous system, and in turn you will replace anxiety with calm.
Loosen control
When anxiety and fear roll in, the natural reaction is to try to suppress the emotion and just “be strong”. The bad news is it doesn't work. The more you try to control or suppress disturbing thoughts, the more power you give them [8].
The good news is that anxiety and fear are not dangerous. They come and go, like a headache. You are safe even if you feel panicked about a thousand different things.
It sounds paradoxical, but to relieve anxiety, you need to dive into it. Remember how you learned to swim. When you convulsively pound and kick the water, it's hard to stay afloat. The chaotic splashing adds to your fear. But instead you can lie on your back, take a deep breath and the water will hold your body afloat. With a few streamlined motions, you move through the water.
So it is with anxiety: you do not need to fight it, you need to surrender to it, calmly lie in the middle of an ocean of anxiety. Let all unpleasant thoughts and feelings pass through you [8].
When fear attacks, sit in a chair or stand in a relaxed position and pretend you are liquid or gas. Relax your muscles, allow yourself to spread over your chair or float freely in the air. Observe how thoughts pass through your transparent body. Don't drive them away: just imagine they are butterflies flitting about. Breathe in and out calmly and continue to feel your body floating in the air. The alarm will gradually disappear [8].
