The times when the role of a man in the family was limited to making money are long gone. Modern dads change diapers, push strollers, play with babies and sing lullabies.
However, a belief remains in the collective consciousness that moms cope with parenting better simply because they are mothers. Paired with that belief is the thought that the father will always be worse at caring for babies, no matter how hard he tries.
But aren’t mothers just more nurturing?
This is a stereotype. Parental qualities depend more on a person’s personality and personal history than on their gender. Both mothers and fathers can be impatient and cold or attentive and caring. There is nothing that child care requires that a man can not learn.
But a baby has a stronger bond with their mother — they grew inside in her belly
This is true. A baby, by nature, needs mom's care. They reach out to her and expect her protection. This is a survival mechanism developed through evolution. If the mother calms the baby when they cry, rejoices in their smile, gently pats and speaks affectionately, then the child continues to develop affection for her. This is the key to healthy emotional and physical development for many years to come [1].
However, research shows that a baby can bond with more people than just a mom. If dad is caring and responsive, then baby becomes attached to him in exactly the same way. At the same time, the baby can establish an equally strong bond with both dad and mom — or solely with dad, if mom is not around for some reason [2].
An attentive dad can change a kid's life for the better. It is known that the more a father holds a baby in his arms in the first days of his life, the better the baby's blood is saturated with oxygen [3]. Dad's touch at the very beginning of life will allow the baby to establish a stronger emotional connection with him [4].
When the child is already walking and talking, dad is no less important
The more dad plays with baby as they grow and develop, the higher self-esteem the child will have. The groundwork for building healthy relationships can never start too early [5].
If the dad and child has a close and trusting relationship during preschool, then the child will be more balanced and calm in school and other social settings [6].
What exactly does a dad need to do to be closer to his child?
In the 1950s, British pediatrician and psychologist Donald Winnicott defined a good enough mother. In his opinion, she should notice the needs of the child, respond to him with warmth, attention and be there when the baby needs it. This formula has become a classic of psychology and it is still relevant today [7].
Winnicott's theory is also true for dad. After all, the baby expects the same from him. To be a good dad, you don't need to be a superhero, you just need to pay attention. Seek to understand why your baby cries — are they hungry, tired or hurt? Take the baby into your arms, soothe him with your calm voice. Baby will understand that dad is near, he cares, and it is good to be with him.
