You're caring for your baby 24/7 while your body recovers from pregnancy and childbirth, so feeling drained and frustrated in the first months after birth is very common. The baby blues usually pass within 2 weeks of birth, so if low mood or irritability continues, gets worse, or you're struggling to cope, talk to your doctor or midwife: it can be a sign of postpartum depression. If you have thoughts of suicide or of harming yourself or your baby, get help right away: contact your doctor urgently, call your local emergency number, or go to the nearest emergency room.
These emotions can cause guilt. You may wonder if motherhood is supposed to be joyful and question yourself if that’s not happening. The truth is, you can't maintain an ideal version of motherhood when your body and mind need rest [1].
Should love and joy outweigh fatigue?
Some moms feel happiness and euphoria from hormones after birth, but not everyone does, and that's okay. It’s common to feel tired and irritated [1]. If you don't feel a strong bond with your baby right away, don't worry. These feelings develop over time as you get to know your new family member [2]. If it doesn't get easier, mention it to your doctor or midwife.
How do I manage this difficult time?
It might sound paradoxical, but reflecting on your struggles can help. If you feel like your day went badly, take a moment to think about the moments that brought you sadness or disappointment.
Pick specific events and describe them out loud or write them down. Use three adjectives to describe the challenges in your relationship with your baby [2].
Why reflect on the negative?
Talking or writing about tough moments can help you see them differently. It reduces tension and softens emotions. For example, if you think the whole day was terrible but can only recall two bad things, you’ll realize most of the day was okay [2].
Every night, ask yourself, "What good happened today?" Recall peaceful or happy moments with your baby. Write down or talk about when your baby was smiling, curious, or sleeping calmly. This keeps joyful memories alive. During stressful times, we often focus on problems, but even in tough times, there are happy moments [2].
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