When you’re trying to conceive, it’s a time of intense emotions. You’re excited about your plans and dreams and want to share them with the people you love (or just anyone who crosses your path, frankly). You’re anxious or impatient or worried and want the support of your closest friends. It’s hard to just hold in those sentiments; studies show that social support has significant physical and mental health benefits [1], so why wouldn’t you seek out your loved ones during such a tumultuous time?
The question isn’t should you share your news as much as whom you should share with. If you experience delays or difficulties in trying to conceive, you’ll want to carefully choose whom you confide in. Likewise, with happy details such as names you’re considering or birth plans you’re assembling, you want to share with someone supportive, nonjudgmental, and discreet.
Why not just tell everyone?
Some people may not react in ways you expect. While one person might express bubbly excitement, another may underwhelm you with their apparent indifference. This is true even within your family or friend circle. Disappointing feedback from loved ones can really put a damper on your joy and possibly hurt your relationship.
Why would anyone give you a cold, aloof, or negative response? Pregnancy and parenting can be touchy subjects for many people. Friends and acquaintances of yours may have tried long and hard to conceive and eventually given up, or they may have suffered a miscarriage. Friends who have chosen not to have children might interpret your news as a rejection or judgment of their choice. Even your own parents might react strangely, with distance instead of enthusiasm; this sometimes happens as older people realize they have reached the later stages of life and have to wrestle with such sobering thoughts as their own mortality.
Is any of this your fault? Not at all. But be aware that people might react in ways you didn’t expect, or might add to your anxiety instead of soothe it. In light of this, choose only a few people to support you while you try to become pregnant.
How do I choose?
This is entirely up to you. Remember that sometimes, your nearest and dearest are not necessarily the best people to share particular thoughts and emotions with. It could be that you have a work friend, someone at your place of worship, or a neighbor who listens well and is trustworthy. Some hopeful mothers-to-be find online communities where they can both learn from and share with others in a similar situation. In cases where you need more support, a licensed therapist or counselor is a great resource. Trust your gut on whom to tell, and keep the circle small. You can share your happy news more widely later when baby’s on her way!
