If you’re trying to become pregnant, you’re probably daydreaming about how life will change once baby is on the way—not to mention after baby arrives! Along with the joy of planning, pregnancy can bring a lot of stress in the form of fatigue, anxiety, and a clash of expectations. You may be wondering: how will pregnancy impact my relationship with my partner?
Why does pregnancy provoke conflict?
The level to which pregnancy will create more conflict in your home depends on the two of you as individuals to a large extent. Some couples naturally argue less and discuss more, while others work on it as a relationship skill. Some individuals are more up front about the emotions they’re experiencing, while others have trouble expressing them. Some people have an easier time going with the flow, while some put great energy into planning. It’s hard to generalize one experience for everyone.
What you can expect, however, is some more conflict than you’re used to. When women are pregnant, they must deal with hormonal changes and physical discomfort, which can’t help but affect your mood. Both parents deal with fears about the health and safety of their child, while partners worry about their pregnant spouse as well [1]. There is ample opportunity for friction and high strung emotions.
Then there is the element of existential crisis for each soon-to-be-parent as they each realize how life will change for them and how their relationship to one another may change, too. There will be increased domestic, relational, and financial responsibility. There will be less freedom to do what they have always done, and less free time. Tension sometimes spills out in the form of arguments [2].
What are the typical arguments that emerge during pregnancy?
It’s pretty common for the mother-to-be to fear her partner is not as invested as she is. She may resent him for not spending enough time preparing the nursery or buying baby supplies like clothes or diapers. It’s common for the father-to-be to fear his partner is losing interest in him and their relationship, replacing him with the baby.
Mothers and fathers grow into their parenting roles differently, and often at different times, so these conflicts pop up pretty consistently. Mama can feel baby moving around and literally carries her around from the start, while dad is biologically separated from baby for a while yet. This doesn’t mean dad isn’t invested or that he won’t be a caring, attentive father when baby is born [3].
How can we argue less?
Avoid making assumptions and ask for clarity to avoid misunderstanding. Communicate often and honestly. Express how you are feeling and what you are thinking without attacking your partner or passing judgment. Your partner is not a mind reader, so they will not know if you don’t say anything [4]. If there is something specific that is bothering you, make sure you pinpoint it, again without judging or criticizing [5].
What happens to sex during pregnancy?
Sex can be a great way to feel intimate and closer during the stresses of pregnancy [3]. However, it’s common for women to feel reduced libido in the first trimester [6], and men’s testosterone also drops [7]. A pregnant woman’s changed body can impact her partner’s response [8] as he feels afraid of hurting the baby. It’s worth noting that sex will not hurt or affect the baby in almost all cases [9].
If your sex life drops off a little during part of your pregnancy, it doesn’t mean your sex life is over. There is a natural ebb and flow; it’s not a threat to your relationship. Find other ways to be intimate and affectionate, like cuddling, hugging, holding hands, and kissing [8]. Spend time doing things you both love, and keep communicating!
