Ovulation calendars, scheduled sex, waiting for pregnancy test results. When conception is delayed, sex life can feel more like a chore than a way to connect with your partner. Physically, you and your partner may be as close as ever, but there can still be an emotional disconnect.
Studies show that extended periods of trying to conceive lead both women and men feeling dissatisfied with themselves [1]. Many partners in this situation become emotionally isolated from each other as they each are preoccupied with the goal of pregnancy [2].
How to break the ice?
Learn to step out of the conception machine. Tell your partner about your feelings — even the negative ones like irritation, anger, resentment and worry. Share your feelings about how your relationship is developing. To start this conversation, you do not need to come up with something special. Just say, "I feel like we're moving away from each other. It’s strange to have sex this way" [2].
At the same time, you need to listen to your partner. He may have different emotions from you. Try to understand what’s causing his feelings. Perhaps, despite the decision to conceive, you do not share the same level of eagerness. It’s important to talk openly about these doubts and, if necessary, reduce the pace or postpone attempts to get pregnant for the future [2].
What if we both definitely want a baby now?
Try to regain intimacy, and not only for the purpose of conception. Talk, hug, kiss, go on a date. This will allow you to return the pleasure of intimacy. This is necessary, because during the attempts to conceive, sex can begin to feel tense rather than relaxing and pleasurable [2].
Add romance: arrange a candlelit dinner, go on a date. Share your dreams about your future family life and how you will raise your baby. Take the time to laugh. Watch a silly comedy or go rock climbing — something you both enjoy that will also make you laugh. It helps turn off the overly serious attitude that can consume people [3].
