After giving birth, it’s hard to take your focus away from baby, even for a minute. But you need to! Seriously.
When a woman is pregnant, life seems to revolve around her, but after she gives birth, she can suddenly feel forgotten. Everyone’s attention is on the baby. Some new mamas feel hurt by this, while others feel it’s only natural. As a culture, we’re not good at remembering and communicating that a new mama is a person with needs—physical and emotional ones. So enough with the assumption that a mother exists simply to care for her baby; it’s not doing anyone any good.
Why is this the wrong approach?
Naturally, taking care of the newborn is a mama’s main task. But let’s not forget how difficult this task is. A new mama returns home not only with a new baby, but a new body . There’s exhaustion, pain, and discomfort. Her perineum hurts, her abdomen has spasms, and her legs and arms are swollen. She may also have chest discomfort and constipation, and be inexplicably sweaty [1]. Even a very healthy, high energy person would feel weak and sick under all this physical strain.
On top of that, the new mama is experiencing some intense emotions and emotional fluctuations. Life has changed, and changed for good. There’s a lot of disorientation. The new parents have little time to connect with one another, no one gets much sleep, and the chores seem never-ending. In light of this, 80% of new mamas experience severe mood swings after giving birth. They feel irritable, anxious, and helpless under the mountain of perceived problems and responsibilities [2].
What can I do if this is me?
Even if all you have is a couple of minutes to think, here’s what you can do to stop the runaway train of negative emotions:
Breathing exercises, such as square breathing, are a great tool. Square breathing involves inhaling for 4 seconds, holding the breath for 4 seconds, exhaling for 4 seconds, and holding again for 4 seconds after exhaling. (It doesn’t necessarily have to be 4 seconds, but it does need to be the same number of seconds for each step.) Repeating this cycle a few times helps to calm down a spike of anxiety.
Watch ridiculous videos on YouTube that make you laugh.
Put on headphones and listen to your favorite song. Dance, if you feel like it!
If it’s a warm, sunny day, go outside for a few minutes and just feel the sunshine on your skin. Listen to the sounds around you, and feel the ground beneath you. Get centered in your physical space.
When you have a little longer, spend some time playing games on your phone or watching your favorite TV show with a moisturizing face mask. Take a nap. Practice a mindfulness exercise. Do a crossword puzzle. If you feel tense emotions building, journal about those emotions and the thoughts in your head.
If your partner or a friend or family member can watch baby for awhile, take a walk, go get a drink at your favorite coffee shop, or get a manicure. Nothing terrible will happen if you take some time for yourself. On the contrary, you’ll feel more relaxed, more joyful, more yourself, and ready to take on your next challenge.
