Competition between siblings is inevitable. The task for parents is to be aware of their children’s feelings and help them cope.
No matter how families prepare their firstborns for the arrival of a new sibling, the child will still experience a certain amount of stress. They were waiting for a cute playmate and got a screaming devourer of Mom's attention instead. If the eldest sibling is an only child, their picture of the world has shifted completely, and they are no longer the center of their parents’ universe [1].
Feelings such as jealousy, anger, envy, sadness, or fear may arise in the older child and manifest through different behaviors such as:
distracting mom away from the baby by all means possible;
getting angry at the baby and asking if they can return them;
taking a step back in development, they may start sucking their thumb, wetting the bed, or refusing to eat;
becoming withdrawn or aggressive in school;
not sleeping well [2].
Parents should always let their children know that they love them equally and avoid playing favorites. Scientific observations show this approach can help siblings become friends [3].
Here's what you can do so that your older child never feels ignored:
Give them what they are asking for (within reason), arrange an outing, or visit a beloved family member. Concentrate on giving them what they really love [4].
When relatives visit the new baby, make sure they also pay attention to your older child [4]. Ask them to bring a separate gift, and encourage them to talk and take pictures together, with and without the baby.
Explain why you have to spend so much time with the new baby because the reasons may not be obvious. Toddlers and preschoolers should be told lovingly why newborns are so demanding, but school-aged children and teenagers should be reminded as well [5].
Spend one-on-one time with your older child [6].
Encourage manifestations of love and care towards the baby [6], no matter how small.
If your older child misbehaves, gently remind them that it is unacceptable but avoid making them feel guilty or that they are somehow “bad” [1].
Show them how amazing it is to be an older sibling [4]. For example: “Look how big and independent you are! I am so proud of you!”
