Pregnancy can be overwhelming, with concerns about health and raging emotions. During this emotional time, many expectant mama’s worry about their relationship with their partner. Here's how to deal with this fear.
If from the moment of conception your desire for sex decreases, you are not alone. Many couples go through this. During pregnancy, sexual desire decreases in both women and men — usually reaching a low during the third trimester [1, 2].
Why do men experience a decreased desire for sex?
Sometimes men are afraid to have sex because they fear it may harm the baby [2] even though this is scientifically proven to be impossible [3].
Another reason is hormones. Mamas are not the only one with changing hormone levels. In 2014, researchers learned that changes in a father’s hormone occur while his partner is pregnant [4]. Changes in hormones occur "when just thinking about becoming a father," says Robin Edelstein, the main author of the work .
The study also found that levels of other hormones — like cortisol, the stress hormone — mirrored their partners. For example, if mama had high cortisol levels, so did dada. Scientists suggest that this is due to the strengthening of the emotional bond between spouses [5].
But what if it's not the hormones, but me?
Pregnancy is a time of transition for a man too. He’s getting used to your new shape, which may not turn him on in the same way your pre-pregnancy body did [6]. This doesn’t mean he loves you less — or even finds you less beautiful. Studies show that women underestimate the attractiveness of their pregnant body to their partner [7].
More often than not, it’s about his own worries. A decrease in attraction may be due to the fact that he is nervous about finances or is worried about whether he will be a good father. Perhaps it is concerned about the changes ahead in his role as a father [6]. The best thing to do is to talk about your concerns and give him space to talk about his.
How to talk about sex during pregnancy?
If you notice that your partner has lost interest in you, ask directly what is the matter. A straightforward, shame-free conversation will relieve tension and help restore tenderness to your relationship. If one of you (or both) find it difficult to speak openly, then perhaps a family psychologist can help [6].
Perhaps at this stage, there is little desire for sex. This is okay: relationships are not destroyed or created by sex alone. What you want to try to avoid is a lack of emotional closeness. It’s important to talk to each other, hug, kiss [6] and have fun together.
