You may be thinking "life didn't prepare me for this," and you would be right. The news of twins is always a shock.
Some react with utter joy, others begin to panic, some may even feel angry, while others may fall into a stupor and close off [1].
The truth is that there are no right or wrong reactions. Everyone is different. Even partners are sometimes in different emotional spheres. For example, your husband may be happy and seem carefree, while you are dismayed at the realization that life will never be the same again.
Why do I feel this way?
When you got pregnant, a steady stream of plans probably flooded your brain. You created an image about how you would carry your pregnancy and raise your baby. Family photos with your little one were already floating in your head. And suddenly it turns out that there will be two of them. Nothing can prepare you for that turn of events.
We don't like it when our plans fall apart. It throws us off balance and causes stress. Being late for a plane or missing an important meeting is frustrating. When it comes to having children, the mechanism is the same.
Also, you're probably afraid of the unknown, which is a very common source of stress [2]. You may worry about how your body will cope with a twin pregnancy, how parenthood will change your life and lifestyle, and where to find the money to provide your children with everything they need.
“I feel both sorry for myself and ashamed of myself at the same time”
You are faced with a stressful situation, so you are overwhelmed with feelings. Some of them may be tough to come to terms with, and it's difficult to separate one feeling from the other. You may be angry at fate ("why is this happening to me?"), envious of your friends ("they had only one child, everything is easier for them). You can also start fearing your own emotions, forcing yourself “not to feel” negative emotions and feeling ashamed when you do [3].
You don't have to be ashamed of your feelings. Let yourself blow off some steam. Your reaction in no way means that you don't love your children.
How can I "blow off steam"?
Talk about your feelings
It makes no sense to suppress your emotions because they will come back in one form or another. Talk about your worries and fears to a partner or loved one who knows how to listen and will not judge. Find other moms of twins, like in the comment on our app. Ask them for advice. People who have been down this road are more likely than others to find the right words [1].
Keep a diary
Writing down intrusive thoughts will help you relieve tension faster. You are not your thoughts. Even if they are scary and destructive, that doesn't mean you as a person are either. They come and go. And they go faster if you write down everything you're feeling. Let it be a rambling stream of thoughts, no big deal! Gradually you will feel yourself letting go [4].
Acknowledge your fear
You're feeling a little scared, but you can do this. Just move on. Concentrate on concrete things. Try not to think about overwhelming issues, and solve problems as they arise. Pregnancy lasts a long time, during which your emotional state may change. You will likely see the beautiful, bright side of having two children at the same time very soon [1].
