When you return from the hospital with your first child, it is clear that for the coming months your life will be dedicated to baby. But if another child is waiting for you at home, then the first few months are more complicated. During this period, you should be especially sensitive to your toddler’s feelings and needs.
A new sibling radically transforms a child’s worldview
For a toddler, a new baby brother or sister is a huge change, an earth-shattering event. Try to look at the situation from your child's perspective: all of their previous experience told them that the world revolves around them. And suddenly — bam — a new little baby demands the attention of mom and dad. His parents are no longer able to devote as much time to him as they could before. Perhaps your toddler had to move to another room and other daily rituals have changed.
For a little person, this is a difficult situation. However, you have the opportunity to help them cope with it and continue a strong parent-child bond [1].
0-3 years: acquaintance through touch
It’s nearly impossible to explain to children under three what it means to have a brother or sister, to show pictures and talk about the development of babies. The fact is that toddlers are able to learn best when interacting with objects or people that can be touched.
So when the newborn arrives home, introduce the baby. Show your toddler how to gently touch or pet the baby. You can comment on the different parts of the baby's body: "This is her head", "This is her hand”, "This is her leg" and so on. Your voice should sound calm, relaxed, and gentle. On a conscious level, the child will not yet understand that this is his brother or sister, but your new baby will have entered into his direct experience [1].
3-7 years old: involve the baby in prenatal preparations
Older children from three to seven years may well realize that a new sibling will appear in the family before you bring your newborn home. Therefore, it is possible and necessary to prepare a child of this age in advance. Show him pictures of pregnant women and newborns, talk about how babies grow and develop. Usually this topic will garner the interest of young children. Do not be surprised if their imaginative play and thoughts are filled with ideas about their new sibling [2]. Use your child’s zeal: involve them in choosing things for the newborn, arranging her room, etc.
Children 3 and up need to be able to visualize what you are talking about. Dr. Holly Shifrin, psychology professor at Mary Washington University, suggests making it as tactile as possible. You can read picture books about growing families, or give them a doll they can take care of alongside you as you take care of baby [3].
Due to their stage of development, children will often not understand many things that are obvious to adults. For this reason, it’s important to explain that their new brother or sister will not be able to play with them immediately after arriving home from the hospital. Make it clear that the newborn will sleep a lot and sometimes scream loudly.
