It's normal to fight when you're tired, sleep-deprived, and busy at home [1]. Here are four ways to turn a heated conflict into a constructive conversation.
Take a break
In the heat of an argument, you’ll be tempted to blurt out everything that’s on your mind. However, it’s better to take a deep breath and wait it out. Anger can make you raise your voice and cause your partner to feel offended, canceling any chance of reaching an agreement or changing behavior for the better [2]. A partner will only listen to specific arguments in a calm environment.
Listen
Let your partner blow off steam. Try to understand why they are angry or upset. Ask clarifying questions. Chances are that strong emotions will quickly temper down after an open conversation. Most people will calm down once they have a chance to share their thoughts out loud [3].
Open up
Now it's your turn to speak up! Just make sure to avoid accusations, because they are completely ineffective as they are likely to spark a defensive attitude in your partner and little else. A good strategy is to express how you feel without explaining why. This can invite your partner to ask about your reasons and set the tone for a calm and meaningful conversation.
Tell me what you want
In the midst of an argument, people tend to be accusatory, which is understandable. However, behind most complaints is a desire for things that might be very simple. Identify that desire and talk it out. For example, if you're upset because your partner stopped to eat on the way home from work and didn't ask if you were hungry, instead of accusing them of being inconsiderate, say: "I would really appreciate it if you bring me something next time you stop to eat on your way home”, a calm and proactive comment is more likely to have a positive outcome.
