Pregnancy can raise tensions even in the most harmonious of couples. A partner may expect to become closer to his pregnant partner, but reality doesn’t always oblige. Here are some suggestions for partners on how to handle their feelings.
Why is this happening? We're a great couple.
Quarrels, resentment, and coldness are not uncommon. Sometimes it may seem that your lovely partner is so focused on her body and the baby that she has forgotten all about you.
You may be great for each other, but the arrival of a third family member changes everything. You are transitioning into a new relationship, that of being parents together. It will take a while to settle into your new roles, and the things that worked before may feel like they are failing you.
Your new world may have less romance and more decisions about the safest stroller and car seat. But don’t worry, all couples go through this period of transition. It’s great to start working out these relationship issues before the baby is born.
Are there other causes behind the cooling of our relationship?
Perhaps the pregnancy came when you were not emotionally ready. That can happen more often if conception is unplanned but may occur even if everything goes according to plan. One partner may have believed (consciously or unconsciously) that pregnancy would take several months or even a year to happen. Maybe you thought you would have more time to get used to the idea of a baby. But, surprise, you got pregnant almost immediately [1].
Emotional connection with the baby plays an important role in the perception of relationships as well. In women, the connection is often established quickly. While men, on the other hand, may begin to see themselves as fathers when they can feel the baby move. This out-of-sync feeling can lead to misunderstandings and distance in relationships [1].
How can we restore our former intimacy?
Don’t try to return to the past. As expectant parents, it is better to concentrate on the future.
First of all, don’t blame your partner for being distant. A very close emotional relationship between a mother and a baby develops long before childbirth. Fixation on the baby is biologically driven. The mother's voice can calm the baby [2], and her care, even before birth, will have a positive effect on the child’s psychological wellness later in life [3].
Future dad may not have strong emotional ties yet, but this does not mean he is out of touch. The best thing to do right now is for both soon-to-be parents to share their feelings.
Those feelings may not coincide. For example, one partner may be concerned about how the baby will affect their intimacy, while the other is preoccupied with arranging the nursery [1]. These differences will make you a stronger team.
How can I build a relationship with my unborn baby when I’m not the one that is pregnant?
Touch your partner’s belly often and talk to the baby. Dads who communicate with their babies while in the womb have a better connection with them after birth. It is scientifically proven! [4] Talking to your baby before birth will also help them recognize your voice once they are in your arms.
