Different women have different initial reactions to learning they are pregnant. Some cry tears of joy, others tears of terror; some shout their happy news from the rooftops, some quietly enjoy their secret for as long as possible.
Whether your reaction is delight or panic or something else, those little lines on your pregnancy test can incite a tornado of emotion. Whatever you feel, it’s normal, and it’s okay!
What is happening to me?!
Pregnancy changes your life forever. Even if you were desperately hoping for that positive test, seeing it will cause the reality of change to crash over you like a wave. Those buried fears that really had no place in your hopeful state are now relevant. Your emotions are valuable signals. Take a moment to be curious about them; what are they pointing to?
Your first emotional response to your new pregnancy will not stagnate your whole pregnancy. Soon, your mindset and your heart will adapt to your new reality and the plans that come with it [1].
What am I supposed to feel?
Well, don’t lean on “supposed to.” Each person is different. Ideally, we hope you feel joy without losing sight of the real implications of your good news. Pregnancy will entail lots of planning, doctors’ appointments, and adjusting your life to your doctor’s recommendations.
At times, you will feel sadness, anxiety, and fear, especially later in your pregnancy. But those emotions are not permanent. Understand why you are feeling them, let them teach or tell you something, and let them go. Don’t let yourself fret or ruminate, but be proactive where you can do something about your fears, and let go where you can’t [2, 3].
What if what I feel doesn’t seem... normal?
It does happen. Some women don’t feel very positive about their pregnancy, even if they think they should. It can come down to an individual’s temperament, or it can be about timing and changes. She gets irritated when her friends ask her how she’s feeling or when her body begins to change visibly. She’d rather live her life as usual, and pregnancy just seems like a massive inconvenience [2, 3].
On the other extreme, some women feel positively euphoric almost their whole pregnancy. Their whole attention is focused on their pregnancy, and they can even become demanding of others if they don’t grant it enough attention, too. It’s harder to spot that this state is unhealthy because we have certain cultural expectations enabling this kind of reaction to pregnancy. If this expectant mama is constantly on cloud nine, she may be unaware of any alarms her body is sending during pregnancy [2, 3].
A third response may be constant anxiety. This expectant mama is tormented by doubts and fears, always wondering if baby’s okay, if she’s okay, if the birth will have complications, and other such thoughts. This mama lacks confidence and is constantly researching her pregnancy, looking for as many authoritative opinions as possible [2, 3].
How do I know how I’ll react?
While you may not be able to predict your exact reaction to your big news, women with supportive partners usually have an easier time adjusting to their new reality and managing their emotions. They also benefit from supportive friends and relatives who will celebrate and walk through this season with them [2, 3].
The irritable, apathetic expectant mama is usually having a hard time accepting her pregnancy on some level. This is sometimes due to a lack of self-confidence or self-love. Sometimes, her motivations for getting pregnant are mixed, and not all of those motivations bring her peace or happiness.
The overly anxious expectant mama is usually an individual already prone to anxiety. Even before pregnancy, she tends to feel vulnerable, suspicious, easily tired, and tends to be a very responsible person. If this sounds like you, start getting used to the fact that you cannot control or know everything during pregnancy. A lot will be in your hands, but a lot will also be totally out of them. Get curious about your anxious thoughts and trace their source.
Strategies such as mindfulness, meditation, journaling, and making art can be really helpful for these mamas. Talk therapy and counseling are also excellent resources [2, 3].
It’s harder to peg the reasons for the chronically ecstatic mama. Sometimes the joy is not as much about the baby as it is about getting validation from others, building a new identity, or hanging on to a partner. Sometimes this emotional response betrays a lack of maturity or preparation for parenthood. But this is incredibly hard to judge from person to person. A therapist or counselor is best equipped to walk through this mama’s emotions to understand her true motivations and help her prepare for the rigors of motherhood [2, 3].
