Choosing a name for your baby is often a favorite pastime for expecting couples. But sometimes it is difficult to find a common denominator.
A name that you find cute may elicit a skeptical expression from your partner. And all of your partner’s choices seem too common or, on the contrary, too strange to you.
Disputes over your baby’s name can be annoying. But don't worry: many couples take a long time to find a name they both love.
Why is it so hard?
Names have great symbolic power. They evoke memories of childhood and adolescence. You really like some names because that was the name of your best friend or beloved grandmother. Other names make you feel uneasy: you do not want your son to be called the same name as the boy who terrorized your whole third-grade.
And your partner may not be delighted with the (beautiful) name you selected because that was the name of the girl he dated his freshman year of college and she broke his heart.
For some people, it is important that the name of their baby has a tie to their family history. For example, some families always name their firstborn after their paternal grandfather. When one of the partners insists on the traditional name, and the other is against, it gives rise to many late night spats [1].
We also often think that a name can predetermine the fate of a baby, so it's hard to find the ideal one. In choosing a name, you seem to be writing the first page in the story of their life. The whole future life of the child flashes in your head: little league, college, career.
But, in truth, this version of your child is fictional and only exists in your dreams. Your real baby — whom you have yet to meet — will be their own independent person . The name you select will not predetermine their future. Rather the child will come to “own” the name you give them with their own personality [1].
My partner and I fight all the time about names. How will we ever agree?
The most important thing you need to do is talk to each other! Explain why you like one name and not the other. Ask why your partner insists on their options. The partner not carrying the baby in their own body may feel left out and choosing the name gives him that feeling of being connected. They may see naming the baby as an opportunity to be a full participant in the process. Respect your partner's position - and refrain from sharply criticizing their suggestions.
If there is no ideal option, accept that you will both have to compromise. Find an option that works for both of you. It may be helpful to make lists of names that you are comfortable with and find intersections.
If there is still no solution, postpone the question. Illumination can come suddenly because the brain is better at creative tasks when it is relaxed [1].
What if relatives don’t like the name we chose?
This happens, especially in families where they are hopeful you will choose a family name. Your parents or father-in-law may want your grandchild to be named after an ancestor. Whatever the reason for their quarrel with your chosen name, you must understand that their criticisms are related to their own experiences and have nothing to do with you.
You don't have to agree with your relatives' arguments. Listen to them and say, “Thanks for the advice”, without making any promises. In the end, you and your partner have the final say. If you feel that their words are breaking your boundaries, be clear about how you don't appreciate their mettling. Explain that there are many ways to pay tribute to ancestors besides your child's name.
If you have the feeling that your family may annoy you with their opinions about your baby’s name, do not tell them about your decision until the baby is born. It will be much more difficult for them to argue when they are holding a cute newborn in their arms [1].
