During pregnancy, it sometimes seems like the whole world revolves around mom and baby. But dad also has needs that can and should be discussed.
Yes, dad can have a beer with friends or go to watch football — even when he has a pregnant partner at home. Why not?
Let's be honest: it’s a very stressful time. Having a kid makes you rethink your priorities and plans for the future. Most likely, there is more work and household chores to do. And also more worries and anxieties: will there be enough money, will I be a good father, and what if something goes wrong during childbirth [1]?
But isn’t the man supposed to be strong and supportive?
Yes. But if he’s busy around the clock with an ocean of anxiety raging inside, does it mean he’s being supportive? Most likely not. Tired and exhausted people make bad decisions and often break down [2].
Taking moments to relax helps a person remain supportive. Plus, people who have an outlet — a place where they can express their emotions — cope better with stress [3].
Dad should continue the hobbies that help him relax and connect with his friends. Plus, mama will get some alone time to catch up on the cheesy romantic comedies she loves!
What if I don’t like talking about my worries?
Not everyone is great at talking about what worries them, especially if you are concerned with being a good support to your wife. If everyone around you is saying how important it is to support a woman during pregnancy, to protect her, it could cause you to hide your feelings and anxieties. While being supportive is truly a good thing to do, you’ll be more effective support when you are honest with her about how you are feeling.
How do I talk about needing a break without starting a quarrel?
In order for a calm conversation, you must demonstrate empathy. Words like "Honey, I know how difficult it is for you right now" show that you are not indifferent to your wife's condition.
Then you can go directly to the request. You need to be careful about your choice of words. The desire to escape from everyday life, at least for a short time, does not arise from anywhere. Most likely, irritation and fatigue have already accumulated. Perhaps these feelings have gone unnoticed and suppressed. If they boil over in a moment of frankness, even through tone of voice or gestures, you will put excess stress on your wife and your relationship.
Also, when explaining the situation, it is important to speak only about your need for relaxation and not mix it with criticism of your wife. When you are speaking of your feelings, use “I language” not “you language”. For example, don’t say: "You demand too much of me” or "You need so much attention. It's just a nightmare". Instead try something like: "I am very tired" or "I admit, I feel at the limit. I need a moment to unwind".
